倒数10天

距离结束还有10天，相信这10天也是一样非常的难熬，告诉自己一切就要结束了，过了10天，就是另一个全新的开始，一定要撑过这10天，就算要吵架也让我好好过完这10天。过了这10天，我就能真的正真休息一番了。虽然我不知道会做些什么东西，却有点期待raya的那个星期，让自己放假一个星期，在家煲戏也好，做什么都好，就是要好好的休息。

这三个月，除了六月有一点点的假期之外，几乎每一天都工作，而且很多时候都超过15个小时，真的很累，很压力。可是往往就压力的时候是你不开心我工作到那么夜，我又能做些什么呢？东西多到根本都做不完。真的好希望你能理解，让我好好的挨过这10天。

你生日快到了咯，希望我们到时真的能好好庆祝一番，生日快乐。转眼间，再多一个月，我们就一周年了。时间好像过得好快，尤其是每一次见面的时候，真的好想把时间停留在那瞬间，那么我就不需要那么的不舍得。

倒数10天加油吧。

煎熬的7月

一转眼间，2013年就已经过了一半，这半年里面，除了工作之外，我应该只是去了几天槟城，回了一次家过年，被人抢beg，pass了一张考试，好像什么都没有做过了。

7月份的开始，又是一个nightmare，无法想象31天连续工作到底是什么回事，比起5月份的时候，这个应该比5月份还要煎熬。我真的很累，可是我又能怎么样？每一天都那么的夜回家，很多时候也不晓得应该快点把工作做完回家，还是花时间去吃东西才好。累得根本就透不过气，我除了在这里透透气，也不知道可以怎么样了。如果我不charge多一天的ot，我还真的过不了自己那关，也拿不到一个平衡点，过完了这一个月，真的很想多多休息一下。

期待9月份到10月份，差不多一个多月不用烦工作，可是却要没对残酷的考试。这样没有生活的生活什么时候才能结束呢？只希望自己怎么挨都能挨到明年12月，还有1年6个月，我好像又在倒数了。

累了，可是还是要挨过去。我真的好希望我不需要挨的那么辛苦，过着那么煎熬的日子，一天工作超过12个小时，有时候甚至超过15个小时。再苦也只能在房间放声大哭或抱着你痛哭，可是哭完后还是一样要面对残酷的现实，笑着过日子，笑着面对人生，这样日子才会快乐的过。加油吧。

煎熬的五月天

phobia的五月终于度过完了，连续工作整个月（除了election和MC一天之外），基本上天天都在工作，就连跟你见面的次数也不超过四次，两人都在kl-Selangor却那么的难见面，真的有点的悲哀。

也不晓得是因为岁月的关系，没有去年那么的挨的长时间的工作时间，竟然病了三个星期，到底是真的病还是假的病，但是地的确确的生病了，病了还是一样要工作，就算是病到一天里面用了差不多一盒的tissue还是要继续做。真的不晓得这样的日子自己到底还能挨多久。

或许明年十二月就是自己的最后dateline，可是再看看明年的现在，我还能挨的过吗？一切都是毫无定数的东西，自己根本不敢想象到底明年会发生什么事情。我现在只是想快一点settle这个assignment，然后什么都不用想了。可是，我能吗?

思念你，可是大家都是那么的累，都要休息，因为休息是为了走更长远的路。思念一个人，但却什么都做不到。我挨过了五月，可是你有忙碌的六月，我有忙碌的七月，除了为我俩加油之外，我还能做些什么呢？ironman 3 过后，我们又一个多月没一起看戏了咯。如果当时4月没有去看iron man 3，当我们都得空的时候，我们都没有的看咯，谢谢你。

一个树

不晓得为什么砍一棵树需要超过一天的时间，把整条路都封了，害到我累到只剩下半条命的时候却不知道怎么回家去。清理一棵树能不能不要用那么长的时间啊？导致塞车塞到那么的恐怖。

失踪了，好像还绕了半个kl，才找到出路回家，也竟然在没有塞车的情况下，我也用了超过一小时回到家，我能不能有用一点啊？我哭了，很无助，更不知道waze把我带到哪里去了。

感谢你今天打包给我，我真的很感动。。。谢谢你。

第二天

才第二天而已，我们就已经撑不下去了，还要怎么挨两个星期多呢？不止是我的同事，还有我，我真的不知道怎么挨，看到还有一年多8个月，还要再做多一次的同样的东西，我到底要怎么挨？

唉，煎熬的每一天，工作高达15小时，完全是累到什么都不想想了，真的是很累。我能不做吗？可是那样的压力能不花更长的时间吗？唉。。。没有言语能形容的泪。我要去睡觉了。。。晚安。

煎熬

我的peak终于开始了，虽然说看到我们的大选多么的没有心情，可是工作却让我根本没有时间去没有心情，忙碌真的能把一切都冲淡，唯一冲不淡的是我对你的思念。

这样的工作时间至少维持两到三个星期，可是我又能做些什么呢？我真的很压力，东西那么多都做不完，同事的东西又不见的很好，唉。除了长时间，我更本不晓得我能做些什么了。最多就是满嘴的ulser，超痛的。

虽然压力，可是有你的支持，我相信我可以的。加油吧，唉。

失败

曾经的一次不及格竟然让我如此的对自己没有信心。如果这一次又是不及格，我觉得真的打击很大，就像我当时考Muet考了3次成绩还是一样。我真的不敢想象如果又一次的历史重演。我不晓得为何这一次会有这样的感觉，还说上一张考到distinction，但这一张觉如此的没有信心。

像我这样信心爆棚的我到底去了哪里？明天开工了，我现在竟然感觉到害怕，难道我真的phobia了？我好害怕，也不晓得这一个月要怎么过，每天工作到12点多，我挨得到吗？你不在我身边，也真的挺难过的。settle所有的issues，之前client的有还没有做好，能不能给多我两个手？我到底怎么了？还没有开始就害怕了，在别人面前还要装作没事。

日子还是会过的，加油吧！唉。

Promote

一整天都把resign挂在嘴边的我，可是当很多人问我你resign了要做些什么？我好像还真的没有想过。我只知道如果我没有promote，我一定会resign。可是我却从来没有想过如果真的没有promote，我要做些什么，我能做些什么？还是信心十足的我，根本就觉得这是没有什么可能会发生的事情呢？好像还是有点搞笑。

auditor=All you do is think of resigning.这一句真的很恰当，有谁是没有一份辞职信在手的呢？有人曾经说过，做得这一行，一进工，首先就是要先有一份辞职信，就是预备顶不顺的时候随时都可以丢信，我也不晓得我到底能挨多久。因为工作，考试已经不及格了。下一次呢？除了加油和努力，我还能做些什么？

这次promote了，就跟想象中的一样。工作自然而然也多了，只是希望junior好一点，自己不用做得那么辛苦。

意外

只是一瞬间的事情，我真的好害怕。我顿时间愣了，完全不知道自己能做些什么。看着手中的电话，电又没有，车又被撞到这样。在不到一秒钟的时间，整个人都冲向前面，感觉上是没有受伤，可是却撞到头。我哭了，除了彷徨，我根本不晓得我应该做些什么。只是不断的打电话，打到电话也没有电了，是不是人倒霉的时候，什么都不是那么的顺利呢？

事情发生到太突然了，有点接受不到，可是我却没有办法，不能接受也需要去接受。从来没有想过去打包一个晚餐就发生这样的事情，搞到全team的人都来看我，反而要工作的却没有的工作了。真的谢谢你们。我去报警，可是我却连我的车牌号码都说错了。

两个星期没有车，我到底怎么去工作呢？一个这样的问题，我真的很无奈。只能怪自己怎么那么的不小心，虽然我是大路，也需要提防旁边有车出来啊。虽然怎么说都不是我的错，可是却带来很多无必要的麻烦。一句话“惨”。

Continuously

After continuously work for three weeks including Saturday, Sunday and public holidays, finally I can rest during the weekend. I just felt that the time flew very fast as the dateline is nearer and nearer. Three weeks just pass without any conscience. I just hope the time will not pass that fast, so that I can do my work slowly. However, 24 hours just passed quietly.

I had already long time never went for a walk in this month. Thanks for my friends who accompany me during the weekend. I thought I will be alone in the shopping center, but at the end, I am not. I am quite happy actually.

On Saturday, we went to 1 utama in the afternoon. I not really had the chances to walk in 1 utama although I work nearby there. I went to apply a 1 card, make a new spectacle and buy some vegetable. It looks like is my first time ask someone to accompany me to buy my things as I will normally go to buy alone.

On Sunday, we went to TTDI Park to have a walk. It really a nice walk as the weather considers quite nice. I had never woken up at 6 something early in the morning since my peak period started. However, I make it to make myself wake up to go for exercise. It is the same for us. The park has a nice view, and a lot of people go there in the morning. In my mind, KL life is a city with shopping complex only. Now, I had to change my mind because KL still has something else besides the building. I will never regret to wake up so early and put aside all my work. I was enjoying the life like that. I really need to thank to my friend who bring me there.

Outstation for Stock count

When I received the stock count news, it had been 4 pm in the evening. It was quite rush as the stock count was in the next day morning in Pahang. The stock count place was somewhere near my hometown, but it needs 50 minutes for the travelling time to reach there from my hometown.

I felt a bit guilty that I went back home before I had finished my work. I reached home around 10.20pm to bath and take something before I departed back to my hometown. However, I reached my hometown around 1am and I was so tired for travelling as I didn’t plan to go back.

The weather is good which means the weather is super hot. We went to count the trees in the estate. We walked under the hot sun for few hours to count the trees without any shelter. I felt like I almost fainted under the hot sun or almost fall down many times as the landscape is very wet. Our shoes and our pants became very dirty. It just like we went to do some crude work under the hot sun. I had never done all this since my secondary school. It helped me to recall that how tough is the life.

Our plan to go for jogging on Saturday had gone since we went for the stock count. However, the count is tougher than jogging. Our sweat was a lot. After I went back home at Raub, I bath and sleep. Both of us were very tired. We rushed back to KL at night and it was traffic jam due to the road block. We reached KL around 12.30am. It was a 24 hours outstation.

On Sunday, we went for jogging in 7.30am. We had to plan sometimes for exercise as most of the time we just sit and do our work. We went for breakfast after that. After the breakfast, we went to 1u to buy a tennis racket because we are so excited to play in the future although I did not know how to play tennis. It was my first time went to 1u at 10am. It was very early. Then, we went to pasar pagi to buy vegetable, so that I can go back home and cook.

I went back to office to dispatch the report in the evening. I looked like quite tired although the weekend was quite fun.

Peak period

I had gone through the peak period for one week plus. It is tired and now I feel the stress when the dateline is coming. This is call audit life where we had to scarify our sleeping time to complete the job. It looks so far so good although I had only 3 to 4 hours sleeping time last week. It is better this week, but the worst is still not coming yet. I know I sure will go through the path where we stay in the office until 5am or later.

How can I face this for another 6 months plus? I not really can imagine unless I had passed this period. We are unable to measure when we can finish our work, but the dateline is nearer and nearer. We will grow up and become stronger when we pass the peak period peacefully.

There is no doubt that we learned a lot of things throughout the work. Also, we make a lot of joke to make sure we still alive. We cannot deny the stress and workload, but we can only choose to become happy and work in a laugh environment. With the laugh, the working environment is much better.

It is really tiring. There is an uncountable time when I was fall asleep in front of my laptop. After a while, I wake up and continue working. Sometimes, I look like I really very free, instead it is not. Thanks for the laugh and the coach. I think I quite enjoy the work although it is really tiring as I almost work for 18 hours per day.

Outstation

Someone told me that he not really like outstation because it is more tiring compared to normal work. Also, your feeling will totally not the same as you go to travel. However, I like to go outstation although it is tiring for the time being. It is because we can go different places for free although we have to work day and night. We can go somewhere that we will not go normally if we go travel. Besides, I had no money to go travel. Therefore, there is no reasons for me do not want to go outstation since I like to travel so much.

This time is my second assignment for outstation. First assignment for outstation, I went to Indonesia for one week. It was a great experience for me although it was super tired as I was fall asleep during working. For my second outstation, I went to Pahang for estate visit in Bera, Triang, Rentam, Mengkarak and Palong. We need to go there for 2 weeks. It should be a great expedition.

I had passed by so many estates in Pahang since young. I like the palm oil because the view is very beautiful along the road. However, I have no chances to go in before this. And now, I finally have chance to go to visit. I will look forward to the experience in this coming two weeks although this is not my first time have a near distance contact with palm oil or rubbers trees.
The only thing which I hope is I still manage to online in these two weeks.

KSP Night

Our KSP night had been organized in one world hotel. I never plan to go to this night, but I never regret to go to the night as well. The reasons why I feel like not really want to join are because I do not like to drink as most of the function is like this. When I reach the ball room, all the people are quite strange to me. Is this my problem?

I am very surprise when my friend called me that night to take photo. I never met her after our convocation. I tried to date her for few times but fail at the end. I was so happy when I met her outside the ball room. The friendship will never end although we did not meet for sometimes.

The programs were not special because only singing, fashion shows and lucky draws. I was not very lucky because I had long time never get any prize for lucky draws. I took quite a lot photos with different people that night. However, I was disappointed when I saw most of the photos because the photos were very blur or not clear.

After the dinner, many of the people dance in front of the stage. However, I never thought that I want to join. It was not my type to rock anywhere.

I went back around 11.20pm. I almost want to cry when I lost my way in 1u. I can only blame myself why my direction sense is so bad. I used more than 30 minutes to find the shop or the places which I came out from the parking. I was scare and felt helpless that time. End up, the security asked me where I want to go because he saw me for the second times after 10 to 20 minutes. Also, I had to thank to the security because bring me to the car park. I had walked one round of 1u from the beginning to another end and turn back to the beginning. My parking was very near to the hotel, but end up I walk very long distance to reach there. It was similar when I went to the hotel from the car park because I also walk to another end before I find my way to the hotel. I think I will never forget the night walk inside 1u.

It was a memorable night for me because of the lost.

Surprise

I am really very surprise that my friend was broke with her boyfriend. I get the news from another friend, I need to thank to her to inform me about this. I had not met my friend more than a year after she graduated. I still remembered that she want me to go to her wedding dinner in year 2010 in Penang. They planned their wedding on 121212 which mean is 12 December 2012. After graduated, my friend moved to Penang and settled down there because her boyfriend hometown is there.

After sometimes, the things did not go very smoothly. I decided to call my friend at night when I heard the news. However, I forgot about it when I was too concentrating on my works. When I realized about it, the time already passed 12 midnight. I called my friend the next day at night while I was still working. I felt relieved when my friend told me that she is fine and will move back to KL next month.

I must control my emotions when I am talk to my friends in public places. I forgot that others actually can hear my conversation. It was luckily that I did not say others bad things. If not, I will be on trouble. However, others asked me that am I quarreled with someone or discussed something that cannot be solved in the moment with others?

I am surprise why the things can be like this. I am scare about all this. I just want a simple life and a happy life. I try to enjoy the work although it was not in the reality. I hope I will not change in the future and keep a happy mind during the work as others say this is impossible.

Comments

The time seems like pass quite fast as I had worked for 2 months and 1 week in the firm. The tears came out with no reasons after I had read my friend post. She did her laundry at 2.30am and washed her toilet at 3am in the morning. How about me? I thought I can keep the soup until the next day, but end up I had totally forgot about it when I reach home at 3am the next day. Therefore, I should throw and clean everything before the next day is coming. I do my laundry at 2am is look like quite normal to me already, but only for those shirt which cannot be put into the washing machine. However, it is quite a sad case that I had to wash my clothes with washing machine at night as well.

Sometimes, I really think that I want to be away from the stress. I try my best to enjoy the works and forgot about the stress. I thought I can do it but I fail to do it. At home, I always fall asleep in front of my pc. At last, I plan to sleep at 10 something because I do not think that I can stand it anymore, but end up I slept at 3 something in the morning and choose to continue my work.

Also, I thought that I can stand with the speed of umobile. I decided to buy ‘yes’ when I am really impatient to wait for the slow connection. It was time consuming and wasted out time to wait for the page to load or even cannot connect to msn. I like the feeling when the internet is consider fast enough. However, it needs to be paid even more compare to what I had used now. I think I will never regret to change it. However, I will go for unifi in future to save more.

Long hours not equal nightmare

Last time during my training, I always thought that work late or during the weekend or public holiday is my nightmare. However, I realized that I am wrong now. I not really have a nightmare, although I had broken my record for the time when I reached home compared to my training last time.

I think it is because of my mentality not well prepared during my training. It was a big change to what I can imagine it that time. I should prepare my mentality well for my peak period next year. Will it be very scary? If not, it may be my nightmare or super stress that time. Whenever I had enough time to prepare it, I do not think that it will be a problem to me. After gone through the tougher life, it will be nothing special already.

How am I learning everything in a shorter time period? In reality, my enthusiasm looks like not comparative to my sleepiness. I must adapt to the long working hours' environment. I must minimize my error or mistake in my working as we must distribute an error free deliverable. I hope I can do it and must do it well.

Buffer dinner

My small network group organized for a buffer dinner at Lemon Garden, Shangri-la hotel. It is my first time went to Shangri-la hotel. The hotel is really nice and the food can consider not bad. Only five of us turn out for the dinner because our partner has a meeting and another went back to Melaka due to some reason. It is quite a surprise that our group consists of all girls, and we gossip a lot.

In our group, 2 persons are going to resign soon. It is no doubt that our industry is much mobilized. People are quite important as we have long working hours. We stay together with our teammate is more than we saw others friends or family. One of them stated a very good statement which is we cannot change our work, stress, dateline and so on, but we can change our choice. We can choose to work happily or moody face. For me, I will choose to work happily. Laugh and smile can increase the motivation towards our work and help us to release some of the stress. Laugh as much as we can as long as we are not crying.

For now, I have to make sure myself is efficiency enough to afford the work load because I think that I am not really that efficient. Am I really not efficient? I am really no idea about it. Sometime, I cannot accept the slow speed of the work. I must train myself to be more efficient. I hope I can do it. I cannot imagine the situation when we will face our peak period as I have not yet gone through it. Is it really that bad compared to what I imagine? I will know it after few months. I hope it will be fine for me. I may only be able to make sure I have a healthy life, so that I will not be sick during that time because I do not think that we have time for us to rest in a sickness.

Port Dickson Away Day

Port Dickson is my first company trip since I joined. In my memory, this is my second time went to PD. The sea is not really nice which is similar to my expectation. However, the scenery is beautiful.

I drive to Port Dickson early in the morning. It was heavy rain when I go to Kepong to fetch one of my friends. Also, my GPS showed me an ending road which I totally not familiar about that. At the end, I need to U-turn and drive to somewhere which I more familiar with. I am the first time drive to Kepong and Port Dickson. It is really challenging when I drive during raining day especially when a lorry beside my car. I felt it is quite dangerous.

During our Away day, we separated in 6 groups and compete with one another. My team is Goodzilla. All the games are considered normal, but need some stamina to complete it. Our team won most of the game. All of them are very good in physical including the girls. The most memorable game is the tug-of-war. It was my first time playing the tug-of-war. I am not really physically fit, but I was so excited when our team won the games. In our final, I felt that almost all of us want to give up because it was so difficult to pull and the time was very long. The strength and the energy which we used are up to the max. At last, we won for the game and I am so excited although I am hurt. My hand was bruise and it was painful. Also, someone was step on my legs during the first game for few times. Luckily, it just turn into red color for sometimes only without any injury.

At night, we had a BBQ dinner. Some of them drink a lot which I not really like about this. However, I still drank one cup of wine. I went back to bath after the dinner around 12am. After bathing, I went out with my friend to enjoy the night peaceful scenery. Both of us love natural very much. We went back to the room around 2am and wake up around 7am to walk at the beach. I like the weather in the morning, it quite windy.

The wonderful time was passed very fast. It came to the end of our away day. We no need to think about the work at the moment. Thanks to everyone for the great moment of our away day.